Sexual Addiction (Part Two)

By Siavash Tabrizy, Ph.D.

There has been much confusion regarding the definition of sexual addiction in our field. Patrick Carnes, Ph.D. first coined this term in 1983 in his pioneering book "Out of the Shadow". He defined sexual addiction as "The addict substitutes a sick relationship to an event or process for healthy relationship with others. The addict's relationship with a mood-altering experience becomes central to his life." Laaser (1991) defines sexual addiction as repetitive and uncontrollable sexual activity of any kind. As with any addiction, the sexual activity serves as an escape from dealing with certain undesirable feelings. From my perspective, sexual addiction has a number of salient characteristics and cluster of behaviors which portray the tapestry of addiction. To begin with, there is a relationship between the individual and the sex, which is mood altering and has life damaging consequences. This relationship is progressive and can be fatal. There are emotional, spiritual, psychological, and physical implications of the addiction which has a pervasive impact on a person's life.
One of the primary characteristics of addiction is emotional and spiritual bankruptcy. The preoccupation with sex as a way of nourishing oneself and perpetual dissatisfaction with the act of sexual acting out/in afterwards leading to depression, hopelessness and at times to suicidal ideation. Most addicts have poor internal stress regulators; consequently acting out becomes an illusory vehicle for modulation of those stressful feelings. The individual tends to evacuate all those bad feelings and thoughts through their sexual acting out/in impulses out of themselves. Due to the progressive nature of addiction, it creates a cycle of perpetual shame, which brings more shame in reaction to the behaviors. Often the person's acting out/in a is representation of an original pain conflict, and it becomes a biopsy of their personal conflict or the original trauma. The individual is attempting to metabolize an original trauma or conflict through the acting out/in. The sexual fantasies also can represent a synopsis of their personality.
Over the past few years I have observed sexual familial secrets that have been passed on from previous generations without direct verbal communication, a process in which I refer to as unconscious to unconscious communication. At times this transgenerational process becomes an obstacle to further change.